Heartbroken because I have to shoulder the wife’s house

The details in the article are very similar to my family situation. My wife and I have known each other since university, now nearly 40 years old, have two girls and boys in primary school, living in the suburbs of Saigon. My wife and I are basically compatible, live in harmony and strive together for a small family. The only thing that bothered me and also caused my husband and I to argue was my wife’s family. My grandmother is 55 years old, my grandfather is 60 years old and my brother-in-law has just graduated from school, living with us, in the old house of our grandparents. In addition, they also have a middle son, living separately in a neighboring province, unable to help them.

Nearly 10 years ago, he worked as a real estate agent at a loss and was in debt, and had to put his house up for sale. This debt is partly due to receiving money from other people to take care of government papers, then they were arrested in a land case so they could not get it back; partly after the failure, he slipped into the lottery, drank alcohol, refused to go to work, so he took out a hot loan again, earning interest from his mother. In my plan, I will buy another house from my savings and get a bank loan to live separately. But in that difficult situation, we do not bear to let the family with his wife “disappear”. My paternal family used to warn me that living together would be complicated and touchy.

>> The wife only takes care of the family

During the crisis period of the wife’s family, we both had to take care of paying off bank loans, taking care of our youngest son to attend college, and taking care of the living expenses of our family of seven. On the contrary, he stayed at home, slipped in alcohol and lottery, once ran away from home because he was demanded by creditors. Not to mention, every time he had yeast, he began to draw words, find things to fight with his grandmother, even swear in front of the children. In order to keep the name of the wife’s family, they suggested that my husband and I keep the transfer confidential. Neighbors and relatives on my wife’s side still think I’m in-law. Living together is also not comfortable, I am afraid to bring friends or relatives to play.

Wife is a hard-working, independent and filial woman. Playing the role of a friend, husband and experienced person, I often give suggestions and work orientation for her to develop more (now she is the manager of a unit). In terms of family spending, I used to follow the lifestyle of my grandparents, so my spending is very unreasonable, I don’t have a plan for savings and investment. My wife’s monthly income is usually only half or 1/3 of mine, but it is also a fulcrum when work is not favorable. I am currently in charge of business for two units, quite busy and under great pressure, making up for a good income.

After many years of striving, having a grandmother to take care of the food and take care of two children, we also paid off the debt and accumulated money to invest more outside. The youngest went to work. He also changed his mind, accepted to work as a security guard, but his alcohol and smoking habits remained unchanged, his health declined. I often confide in my wife to give him advice, one is one, two is two, I want everyone to get better, so sometimes I give straight advice, not pleasing to my grandparents. After that, I only gave advice to grandparents through my wife. Maybe the wife is standing between her husband and her parents, so she is also sad because the two sides have many conflicts.

Next time we plan to let grandparents live separately to avoid conflicts. We bought a piece of land in the province, we will move to the inner city to live for convenience on the way to work as well as for our children to study.

Hung

Readers call 024 7300 8899 (ext 4529) during office hours for support and questions.