How wise people deal with liars

“Why do you say that to me? You hurt me!”

“You put all your trust in me and this is what you get in return? Everything is over! Liar!”

Sometimes we come across similar situations, either being a liar or being lied to by others. It was heartbreaking to find out the truth.

No one likes to be lied to, but the truth is, we all lie. Sometimes we forgive liars and sometimes we don’t. What matters is frequency and purpose. There are lies intended to cause harm or to avoid harm. Lying is bad but can come from good intentions.

Simply put, there are two types of lies that are harmless and harmful. Not all lies are harmful. A harmless lie is a lie that is not intended to harm anyone, not even for our own benefit. These lies are often for the purpose of:

Avoid hurting others

Such lies are often to protect our self-worth or to protect us from being hurt by the cruel truth.

Example: A mother tells her children that their father has gone somewhere far away and has not been able to return for a long time. In fact, their father has passed away. In this case, the mother simply does not want her children to know the painful truth, continuing to live a happy life.

Avoid conflicts in communication

These are lies intended to create pleasant conversations.

Example: During a conversation, you compliment the other person’s bracelet because you know they will be happy. It may not be what you think it is, but you want both of you to be happier.

I don’t want to reveal too much about myself

Sometimes, personal privacy is easily compromised and we simply don’t want others to know too much about us. For example, you might lie or not tell someone about a past memory to avoid bringing up a painful moment.

Protect pride and self-esteem

This is often seen in people who need the approval of others to feel satisfied. They will exaggerate their own accomplishments or experiences in order to receive praise and feel satisfied.

Harmless lies, even with good intentions, may not be so good. However, compared to harmful lies, they cause much less damage.

Beware of malicious lies

Meanwhile, toxic lies are the cause of the breakup of good relationships. These words come from bad intentions and are intended to manipulate others. We need to be on guard against these lies.

Lying to avoid responsibility

We all hate punishment and lying is the way many people choose to try to avoid it. This is really unfair and could lead to someone innocent having to admit our fault.

Take advantage of others

This fatal lie is told when we want support from others when it seems like they don’t.

Example: When we want others to share the burden, we pretend that we are very difficult or have some urgent need for help.

There is no single best method to deal with all the lies

How we deal with liars depends on whether we want to maintain a good relationship with them. In addition, the nature of the lies should be considered.

With harmless lies:

Keep it in your heart

Exposing innocent lies can put both you and the speaker in a dilemma. Liars are like going into a confrontation and it sucks when they have absolutely no intention of hurting you.

So why not keep it in our hearts and pretend we never knew about it? If it doesn’t affect us, sometimes it is better to keep it in our hearts than to expose it.

Exposing lies but to make things better

Imagine when you date someone but get turned down because they have to work overtime. However, then you find them hanging out with another group of friends.

In this case, you can find a way to reveal the lie while not embarrassing the other person. The liar will then understand that you are fully aware of the lie but are trying to make things as light as possible. They will know to appreciate the relationship more and not lie next time.

Expose lies but show understanding

Finally, you need to show understanding to the liar. Sometimes, lies are told just to protect themselves. They want us to accept and love them. At this point, we should show our understanding and forgive them.

With harmful lies:

Justice needs to be done. Don’t be afraid to confront and expose the truth. They are taking advantage of you and you have to be the one to stop this. Exposing their lies also helps you to distance yourself from them and be more cautious next time.